


Persuasion for Dummies

by summerstorm



Category: Juno RPF
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Porn Battle, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-31
Updated: 2009-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-06 10:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerstorm/pseuds/summerstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the prompt "RPF, Jason Bateman/Ellen Page, acting, careful, method" in the Porn Battle VII on LJ.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Persuasion for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt "RPF, Jason Bateman/Ellen Page, acting, careful, method" in the Porn Battle VII on LJ.

"You know what we should do?" Ellen says on the phone. "We should have sex."

"Aren't you a little old to be a skanky teenager?"

"Okay, _one_: I'm legal, and two: we're gonna screw up the whole movie if we have sexual tension all the time. I'm just saying we get that over with and move on."

Jason takes a second to think it over.

"Aren't you a little young to be so jaded?"

"I'm not jaded," Ellen replies. "I'm rational."

"You're not. We're _supposed_ to have sexual tension."

"No, we're not. _You_ are supposed to perv over me while _I_ think of you as the father figure I'm missing."

"So it works for you but it doesn't for me?"

"Yes."

"I'm not convinced."

"Uh, you're a male. I'm offering to keep you company in this cold, cold night of Canadian winter. What's there to be convinced about?"

"I don't know, Ellen. You tell me."

Ellen glares through the phone.

"Is that all?"

"_No_," Ellen states. "You're attracted to me, correct? I mean, I'm not totally making it up. I like to think I have a good handle of reality even when I have a stupid crush."

"You have a crush on me?"

"Shut up."

"I didn't know you had a crush on me."

"Keep talking and I'm going to _crush you_ instead."

"That's appealing."

"Well, what about this: I'm spread out on my bed," Ellen attempts, "naked."

"You're not very good at this."

"Well, I _am_ naked. Half naked, anyway. And standing next to the window, where anyone could see--"

"You're terrible at this. Also, I've been in your hotel room and there's an enormous table in front of the window, there's no way anyone could see you unless you were sitting on it."

"Well I am."

"You just said you were standing."

"Whatever," Ellen concludes. "I'm just saying, rationally, if we don't do it now we're gonna end up falling over each other at some fucking party in front of your wife, and she may be encouraging about the two of you screwing around, but I don't think she wants to _see_ it."

"Doesn't seem like the kind of thing, no."

"So?"

"Are you sober?"

"Do I _sound_ drunk?"

"You always sound kind of halfway there."

"Fuck you." She adds, "I could use an answer."

"Do I _have_ to say no?" he asks, and he sounds to Ellen like he doesn't want to.

"Yes."

"No."

"No-you-don't-want-to-say-no no, or no-I'm-not-sleeping-with-you-even-though-I-spend-most-of-my-scenes-undressing-you-with-my-eyes no?"

"No as in I don't think you've thought this through."

"Course I have. I thought it all the way through while I watched all three seasons of that — show, the one where you played the dickish guy who slept with a blind lady?"

"Arrested Development?"

"Right. Right. See, I was too busy staring at you to remember the name."

"That's the worst lie ever. You're an awful liar."

"I'm an awesome liar, dude. I'm an _actress_."

Jason sighs. "Why don't you sleep on this whole thing and call me tomorrow?"

Ellen complies. "Fine. But I _will_ be calling you tomorrow."

"Or the day after."

"Probably tomorrow."

"Go to sleep," Jason says, and hangs up.

*

She calls the day after tomorrow.

"You know what?" she says.

"What?"

"I've been thinking about it, and I can tell you in detail what's going to happen if we don't have sex right this second. Jason?"

"Yeah?"

"Listen to this _carefully_."

"Okay."

"We're gonna keep putting it off. Because, even if you say no, we'll both know it's a lie, so. And one day, possibly next week, possibly next month, possibly when the movie comes out and we have to go and promote it, you're gonna look at me, and I'm gonna look at you, and I don't know about you, but I'm gonna be really wet, and keep sneaking glances at you while I shift on my seat. And then, when there's a break, I'm gonna sit next to you. And I'm gonna run my hand up your thigh, and grab your hand, and get it down my pants. It's gonna be really obvious, because I suck at lying, right? And then I'm gonna think, hey, maybe I should jerk him off, for his trouble, but then I'm gonna think, hey, you know what? He said _no_."

"You have issues," Jason says hoarsely.

Ellen snorts. "Open the door."

"You're—"

"_Open the door_."

"Seriously, where—"

"Will you just open the fucking door?"

Jason thinks about it for a second, then says, "Okay."


End file.
